Envy is one of those human feelings that we find especially hard to admit, even to ourselves. We can sincerely rejoice in other people’s successes and respect their abilities, and at the same time feel an unpleasant pang when they achieve what we ourselves have failed to achieve. This happens especially often among people engaged in the same work, when the accomplishments of colleagues become a constant reminder of our own possibilities and limitations. Pirkei Avot (4:21) says: “Envy, lust and the pursuit of honor drive a person out of the world.” It seems to me that this speaks not only of the moral danger of envy, but also of how severely it can spoil a person’s life. After all, envy changes practically nothing in our actual circumstances, yet it changes how we perceive ourselves. What brought satisfaction only yesterday begins to seem insignificant today simply because someone else turned out to have more. A person stops noticing their own achievements, devalues their own work and gradually grows used to measuring their life by other people’s results. The problem with envy is not that we notice the successes of others, but that we begin to see them as proof of our own inadequacy.
Jewish tradition holds an important idea: every person has their own abilities, their own circumstances and their own responsibility before the Almighty. This does not mean that our fate is known to us in advance, or that we must resign ourselves to any state of affairs. On the contrary, a person is obliged to grow, to learn, to work and to make use of the opportunities given to them. Yet we must also understand that someone else’s path in life cannot serve as a universal measure of our own success. We see another person’s achievements, but we by no means always know what price they paid for them, what difficulties they face and what is happening in their life beyond the reach of our attention. Moreover, each of us has abilities and circumstances that cannot be judged solely by social standing, material wealth or professional recognition. The Talmud (Bava Batra 21a) speaks of rivalry among sages, which leads to an increase in wisdom. This lets us see an important distinction between envy, which destroys a person, and the desire to learn from those who have achieved more. One can look at other people’s achievements with irritation and resentment, or one can try to understand what they are able to teach us. Someone else’s success need not become a cause of dissatisfaction with ourselves. It can become an occasion to reconsider our own efforts, acquire new knowledge and keep growing.
For me, the especially important question here is how we define our own worth in the first place. If it depends entirely on how much more successful we are than others, then inner peace becomes practically unattainable. There will always be someone who knows more, earns more, has greater abilities or receives more recognition. But does it follow that our own life becomes any less meaningful? Pirkei Avot (4:1) says: “Who is rich? One who is content with his portion.” These words are sometimes taken as a call to give up striving for more, although contentment with one’s portion by no means rules out the desire to grow. Rather, it is about the ability to value what we already have without turning our own desires into a constant source of dissatisfaction. One can strive for professional growth, a better financial situation and new achievements without feeling hostility toward those who already have what we desire. And perhaps one of the most useful questions to ask ourselves in moments of envy is this: what do I really want — to achieve something that matters to me, or simply to have no less than someone else? The difference between these desires is enormous. In the first case we move toward our own goals; in the second we allow other people’s achievements to govern our inner state. The ability to rejoice in someone else’s success without devaluing one’s own life is not a renunciation of ambition but an expression of inner freedom. For our dignity is determined not by how far we surpass those around us, but by how we use our opportunities, how we treat people and what we truly bring into this world.
